FAQ for Students Regarding the Rapture

I'm grateful to Charles Häberl for drawing to my attention the following FAQ a professor made for students regarding the rapture, which some professors whose classes are not yet done may wish to distribute to their own students over the next few days:

FAQ for my Students: The Rapture

Q: With the rapture coming, should I bother working on my final paper?
A: Yes. The odds are you will not be judged worthy of ascent to heaven, in which case your grades will still be a basis of judgment for rewards in this earthly sphere.

Q: What if my instructor is raptured?
A: None of our instructors bear much chance of being judged worthy. However, on the off chance your instructor is chosen, an army of unemployed secular Marxists is waiting to take his/her place.

Q: If my mother/father/grandfather/grandmother/favorite aunt/etc. is chosen, will I be excused from the final so that I may mourn his/her loss?
A: No. They have not died, but been granted eternal life, thus this does not count as a case of a death in the family.

Q: If my instructor is not raptured, is he really fit to judge me?
A: Yes, seeing as you were not raptured, you are still subject to the earthly judgment of the unsaved. If/when you are redeemed, a change of grade form will be automatically processed by heavenly authorities if they decide your grade was unfairly given by one of the damned.

Q: If my computer crashes and my printer breaks and there is no email on account of the rapture, will I be able to get an extension on the paper?
A: Everyone in tech and IT departments is of Satan's party, so the internet, your computer, and your printer should continue to work the way they always have: sporadically.

Q: How will the rapture affect your curving, particularly if raptured students are exempt from final tests/papers?
A: Final grades are not curved, but students who are taken up in the rapture will be given incompletes, just in case.

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San Francisco man becomes first in history to be cured of AIDS

Timothy Ray Brown, a 45-year-old San Francisco man previously known to the medical community as the Berlin patient, has become the first person to ever be cured of AIDS. After a stem cell bone marrow transplant, doctors say his HIV, the infection which causes AIDS, was eradicated.

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Video: Stephen King Talks Short Stories

Stephen King talks about writing and short stories in the interview with Borders. The short story market is not very big. There is the possibility that ebooks - and ideas like Kingle Singles - could help bring it back. Stephen King says some novelists have lost the ability to write short stories.

King also talked about short story length. He says sometimes he starts out writing a short story and it balloons into a novel. King also says, "There really is that length of 22 to 25,000 words that's a 'twilight zone' for writers. It's too short to be a novel but it's too long to be a short story." Take a look:

Texas close to banning TSA searches, TSA invents desperate new constitutional interpretations

The Texas House of Reps just passed just passed a bill banning TSA searches without probable cause ("A person who is a public servant [acting under color of his office or employment] commits an offense if the person: (2) while acting under color of the person's office or employment without probable cause to believe the other person committed an offense: (A) performs a search for the purpose of granting access to a publicly accessible building or form of transportation;). The TSA has responded with headless chicken hysteria, making up gradeschool misinterpretations of the nature of US federalism.

This time, the TSA is on the defensive, and published an official statement about the Texas bill on their blog: "What's our take on the Texas House of Representatives voting to ban the current TSA pat-down? Well, the Supremacy Clause of the U.S. Constitution (Article. VI. Clause 2) prevents states from regulating the federal government. "

The problem here? The statement is false. Ignorance from the TSA is unlikely, so I'll call a spade a spade. They're lying.

In public statement, TSA lies about the Constitution (via Reddit)

(Image: Waiting, a Creative Commons Attribution (2.0) image from cote's photostream) 

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http://todaygadgetnews.com/wp-content/themes/twentyten/myblog.html

HOWTO sue telemarketers and keep the stuff they send you without paying for it

If you follow an exacting script and keep careful records, you can apparently sue sloppy telemarketers (or their clients) for $500 each, and get free merchandise in the bargain. America's telemarketing laws seem tough on marketers, but they're structured in such a way as to make the process as difficult as possible for people who don't want to get phonespam. But if you are careful, you can get $500 every time a telemarketer calls you twice after being told to add you to its do-not-call list. They get to call you once without incurring this penalty, but apparently, you get to keep anything you order on the second call for free without paying for it, since "future calls will be a violation of an act of the U.S. Congress, any contract directly resulting from an illegal act is not enforceable. The Telephone Consumer Protection Act (TCPA) offers no 'grace period.'"

I'm not a lawyer, and I don't know if the author of the article is. It's presented in Comic Sans, so caveat emptor and all that.

May I have your company's name, address and telephone number? If you are calling on behalf of a client, may I have the name, address and telephone number of your company, as well as the name, address and telephone number of the company that you are calling on behalf of?

Put me on your "Do Not Call List". You are hereby ordered to share my "Do Not Call Request" with your affiliates, associates, and related entities. If you are a third-party service bureau (telemarketing company), put me on your company's "Do Not Call List" as well as your client's "Do Not Call List".

Send me a copy of your "Do Not Call Policy". If you are a third party telemarketing service bureau, send me your company's "Do Not Call Policy" as well as your client's "Do Not Call Policy".

If you call me again, I will use your product or service and not pay for it. My denial of payment will be based on the fact that your future calls are a violation of an act of Congress, and any contract that is entered into as a direct result of an illegal act is unenforceable.

Do you understand what I have just told you?

Will you comply with my requests?

Telemarketing Script (via Consumerist)

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Paul Thomas Anderson's Next Moves Forward

The Weinstein Company will officially distribute Paul Thomas Anderson's next film, Deadline reports. Currently untitled, the project is set to star Philip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix. Originally titled The Master , the story, said to be loosely based on the life of L. Ron Hubbard and the creation of Scientology, will feature Hoffman as the creator of a faith-based organization in the 1950's. Phoenix will play Freddie, a young drifter who is swept up in the movement and becomes Hoffman's character's lieutenant. As everything builds, however, Freddie begins to question the system he's helped to create. This project, set to begin production next month, will be Anderson's first work since 2007's There Will Be Blood . That film was the only one of Anderson's not to feature...

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Brooklyn-based newspaper pretends women don't exist

I often filter reality to fit my preconceived notions, but the Brooklyn-based newspaper Der Tzitung puts my self-delusion to shame. Way to go!

Removing women from Situation Room photo

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How Lightning fan outwitted petty HOA over playoff sign

Steven Paul, 28, is a Tampa Bay Lightning season ticket holder who's justifiably excited with his team in the Eastern Conference finals, eight wins away from the Stanley Cup.

Like many other Bolts supporters, he flaunted that enthusiasm within his community. That is, until his Home Owner's Association crushed his freedom of expression like an over-reactive parent.

But Steven Paul is a hockey fan, which means he's both incredibly cynical and incredibly stubborn about his passions. So he got a little creative in his battle with the draconian rules of his neighborhood HOA — and appears to have won.

Back in April, before the Lightning defeated the Pittsburgh Penguins and Washington Capitals in the Eastern Conference playoffs, Paul decided he wanted to make his neighbors aware of his fervor for the team.

When the Lightning clinched a playoff spot, they gave fans a playoff preparation package that included a T-shirt, stickers and a sign made for display on one's front yard, like a political placard.

Paul placed his white "GO BOLTS" sign on his lawn on a Saturday.

On Wednesday of the following week, he received this from his HOA:

"Whoever it is that has too much time on their hands took a picture on Monday, turned it in and then I got the letter that said, 'No signs allowed except for security signs,'" said Paul, who shared the story and the letter with the Reddit hockey community, where he's an active member.

His HOA limits lawn signs to ones that provide free advertising for alert others that the house is protected by some kind of alarm system or security service.

"I was pissed. I was infuriated," recalled Paul, "and then I was like, 'OK, fine. If we can only have security signs, then I'll make it a security sign."

Which he did:

A few days later, his wife was at home when something caught her eye outside the house. It was a woman with a camera, taking a photo of the new sign, ostensibly for more HOA tattling.

Meanwhile, Paul was getting proactive with the HOA after their cease and desist letter, writing a letter of his own.

"I asked them if they had any community support. Tampa made the playoffs for the first time in years. Obviously, it's not a permanent sign in my yard, it's just a way to support the team," he said. "Don't they have anything better to do with my HOA fees?"

After transforming his sign into "GO BOLTS SECURITY," he hasn't gotten a second notice — yet. The HOA told Paul they'll discuss the matter further at an upcoming meeting.

Then Paul decided to get really proactive. Inside the bag of Lightning swag was a large blue Tampa Bay flag. He checked the HOA bylaws about hanging flags on houses, and found no restrictions.

So up it went on his garage:

"Honestly, I think the flag looks worse than the lawn sign," he said, "but I'm gonna hang it up there until we're done."

An engineer for the NOAA Hurricane Hunters (Ed. Note: Awesome), Paul is waiting to see if there's any further pushback from the HOA, while wondering if his sport of choice is part of the victimization.

"If this was the Rays or if this was the Bucs, would this even be an issue?" he asked.

Whether or not he'll need to get creative again, the good news for Paul and thousands of other Lightning fans is that there's at least another round of playoff hockey in which to express their enthusiasm — no matter if "the man" says otherwise.

Stick-tap to reader Phil Scott for the tip.

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Other popular Yahoo! Sports stories:
• Steelers star loses endorsement over bin Laden tweets
• How hockey fan outwitted petty HOA fine for playoff sign
• Video: Charles Barkley's golf swing hits a hilarious new low

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Despite economic growth, India lets its girls die

(AP) – 1 day ago

MORENA, India (AP) — The room is large and airy, the stone floors clean and cool — a welcome respite from the afternoon sun. Until your eyes take in the horror that it holds. Ten severely malnourished children — nine of them girls.

The starving girls in this hospital ward include a 21-month-old with arms and legs the size of twigs and an emaciated 1-year-old with huge, vacant eyes. Without urgent medical care, most will not live to see their next birthday.

Continued:

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5iv0RMXrJ_MqRYXeG46oCiay1zieA?docId=adbf986ad4904886a8712f46bdc1299b

Copyright © 2011 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.

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Local man apparently live-tweeted Osama mansion raid

This fellow, a consultant in Abbottabad, appears to have reported events from the attack on Osama bin Laden's compound on Twitter, without being aware of their significance: "Uh oh, now I'm the guy who liveblogged the Osama raid without knowing it."

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TomTom admits police used data for speed traps

"We never foresaw this kind of use and many of our clients are not happy about it." -- TomTom navigation device maker CEO Harold Goddijn plays dumb about selling user data to police so they can set up speed traps.

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56 worst/best analogies of high school students | The Lost Eyeball

Apparently the washingtonpost held a contest in which high school teachers sent in the "worst" analogies they'd encountered in grading their students' papers over the years. (I place "worst" in quotes because many of these actually strike me as quite witty). The top 25 of these have been circulating around the "Sandra Bullock" ("net", get it?) recently, but I decided to post all 56 that I was able to find. Here they are, in their order of objective funniness (in my opinion):

1. Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
2. He was as tall as a 6′3″ tree.
3. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
4. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.
5. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

The next 51: 

http://www.losteyeball.com/index.php/2007/06/19/56-worstbest-analogies-of-high-school-students/

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True Colors: Compressed Movie Prints Show Film Moods

[ By Delana in Architecture & Design & Gadgets & Geek Art & Technology & Futurism. ]

When you watch your favorite movies over and over, you might start to acquire the ability to recite every line. Every frame of the movie looks familiar and you can predict how the light will change with every scene. But would you recognize your favorites if they were smooshed down into single pictures? (Above: Requiem for a Dream)

(Blade Runner)

(V for Vendetta)

These impressive works of art were created by MovieBarCode, a website that takes every single frame of your favorite movies and compresses them single-frame pictures.

(Se7en)

(Princess Mononoke)

The resulting images are surprisingly lovely, like colorful bar codes with hidden stories to tell. All of the colors of each movie are expressed in the thin vertical stripes, making for some truly impressive new pieces of art.

(The Lion King)

(The Matrix)

It is even possible to tell the mood and overall feel of each film just by the color scheme in these abbreviated representations. Some are predictable, like the cartoons with plenty of bright colors and the overly-green Matrix. Some exhibit long stretches of the same scenery, such as in The Big Lebowski.

(The Big Lebowski)

(The Fifth Element)

The website has an impressive number of movie bar codes posted already, but the artist behind the site also takes requests for any that haven't yet been created. Prints of the amazing works of art can be purchased from the MovieBarCode website.

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Brand-new conspiracy theories around Obama's newly released "long form" birth certificate

Buzzfeed has a very funny post up today explaining 20 freshly-hatched conspiracy theories surrounding President Obama's "long form birth certificate," released by the White House yesterday.

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The monkey tail, a beard

The awesome and epic Monkey Tail is the first major new beard of the twenty-first century and represents a profound innovation in the bearding industry.

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Twilight folks to do Ender's Game?

Looks like Summit, the studio that brought us (and continues to bring us) the Twilight Saga adaptations, will be the next studio to try to adapt Orson Scott Card's classic 1985 SF novel Ender's Game, with X-Men Origins: Wolverine director Gavin Hood at the helm.

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Animal-sex Friday

It's Friday, and you know what that means. Yes, blogger Scicurious (who brought us the whale threesome) has another post about animal sex research.

This time, it's about chicken sperm. Specifically, whether roosters alter the quality of their sperm depending on how many other roosters they think have been, uh, laying with their hen—and what social status the hen, herself, has.

Believe it or not, studies in various species have shown that males in more dominant roles often produce a LOWER quality and quantity of sperm than those in subordinate roles. This is presumably because the dominant males don't have to compete as much as the subordinates, they get first pick of the females. But this hasn't been tested before, because the animals being studied understandably get annoyed when you try to get between them and their chosen female to get a sample of the semen.

In this case they decided to try again, using chickens. But not your normal chickens, these were Swedish fowl that live in social groups of up to 16 animals. The males form a dominance hierarchy for access to the females. The most dominant males are obviously going to get first crack at the hens, but the hens will often have multiple matings, and sperm competition is intense. Not only do the females go multiple times, the males can ejaculate up to 40 times within a few hours, which often results in quantity over quality, as the sperm quality decreases over time.

They took males of high and low status, and put them through randomized mating trials over several females, ALSO of high and low status. They took the ejaculate and measured the number of sperm, as well as the velocity, or how good their little swimmers were doing.

And the result? Well, you'll have to go read it. There are graphs that are integral to the story, and I don't want to spoil it. Suffice to say, chicken sperm is a lot more interesting than I would have previously guessed.

Image: Some rights reserved by quinn.anya

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Untouchable blood-camera goes to Africa for HIV portrait series

Wayne Martin Belger created the blood camera, which incorporates HIV-infected blood that acts as a red filter for portraits of HIV+ people. Now he's taking the project, which is called "Untouchable," to Africa:

I'm taking the untouchable to Sierra Leona, Liberia, Uganda, Ethiopia, Calcutta and 5 locations in Cambodia to do portraits of people living with HIV. I'm working with a major international HIV Health organization to make it all happen and they are really excited about the possibility of this project creating a new view of the global HIV community. So far, I've photographed about 60 people all over the US. With the Africa/Asia photos it will give a world contrast on how your geo location makes all the difference in your well-being and how major pharmaceutical profits need are at the heart of life and death.

I have a publisher that wants to do a book on the project and two major venues that are excited about exhibiting the finale work next year.

Bloodworks: Africa (Thanks, Wayne!)

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